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Next time you go on a date, Kara advises you ask yourself, “So much of the conventional dating advice out there teaches us to play games, manipulate and not be ourselves in order to snare a partner,” Kara says. A partner who likes a fake version of you.”“This strategy only makes sense if you care more about getting a partner than you do about what kind of relationship you’re going to have with that person.” It’s an impetus that’s not conducive to intimacy, which she describes as “the whole point of a relationship.”What I love about Kara’s dating advice is that it focuses on what I can control.It used to feel emotionally risky to sign up for Tinder, much less dress up and grab a drink with an Internet stranger."I prefer to communicate through text and Steve likes to communicate in person or over the phone.“I’m always texting instead of calling.” Although Nadine is a fan of Stephen’s wrinkles she’s not such a big fan of his bedtime beauty regime.) All they have to do is get online every day, sitting on their princess throne and file through the dozens or more profiles of men who have messaged them throughout the day.

I’d drive myself crazy over hypotheticals and the impossibly high expectations of a person I hadn’t even met yet.

“We know from neuroscience and psychology research that the brain sees what it looks for.

That’s its whole job.” It’s no surprise, then, that a negative outlook leads to a negative outcome.

Now it’s beginning to feel like practice, an opportunity to ask myself what I really want.

As a policy, I no longer hide my terrible taste in music from the people I date (Top 40 forever) or pretend I don’t care if it takes two days to text me back (I care).

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