With so many people refusing to recognise bisexuality as legitimate and forming negative stereotypes against them, bi men really have to have a strong sense of self and I find their open-minded mentality very sexy.Friends ask if I’m worried my guy will cheat on me with a man but I worry about this no more than him cheating on me with a woman.In my experience I find bi men confident and at home with who they are.They’ve explored sex, gender and relationships in a much more in depth way than, say, your typical straight guy and make fewer assumptions in regards to gender roles or expectations.When our relationship is viewed from the outside, these ideas sit atop it like an incongruous cheap baseball cap and affect how we're perceived. Having a legally married dude partner means that, for some very lovely LGBT friends, I have sadly lost all my gay points, copped out, thrown in the rainbow-colored towel, and can no longer take part of Pride activities because I'm too busy being committed to male genitalia.Here are the four ideas about marriage and bisexuality that I regularly encounter, and why they're wrong: More than one person has assumed that bi-hetero relationships must involve threesomes, regularly. Except that it meant that a drunk girl at a party we both attended, who'd never met me but who had heard that I was bi and therefore "must be up for it," tried to force her way into the room where we were sleeping for an unexpected menage a trois. Committing to a lifelong heterosexual relationship when you've been a part of the queer community can cause conversations like this:"Why didn't I get an invite to your Pride party this year? It's also frankly frustrating when anybody, straight or gay, assumes that I have been magically, permanently cured of my (very real) attraction to boobs by prolonged exposure to my dude's heterosexuality, like it's musky anti-LGBT radiation.
I do, however, believe that nobody has the right to dictate to you who you are or who you should be with, whether that’s the same sex or not.Putting on the dress and the ring and legally binding yourself to a person of the opposite sex can wreak havoc not only on your gay credentials but on your own self-perception. Am I turning my back on the struggle of a minority? And then there's the concept that a lifetime with only one set of genitals for company is inconceivable for bisexual people. I've had some very concerned dialogues go something like this:"But how can you be happy with just one gender? I don't feel any mourning for my access to breasts, any more than I mourn for my access to other dudes. If I felt any urge to still be out squeezing them, I would not have walked down that aisle.Being bi and married doesn't mean perpetually thinking wistfully that the grass is greener elsewhere; it means really, really loving your patch of garden, and working on it ardently.In the same way that straight relationships involve, I don't know, Chinese food, or fighting over the remote. Obviously there are many things wrong with that situation. Sexuality is fluid, and it can change over time, but assuming this in another person is a good way to get something thrown at your head.But the underlying assumption, that threesomes are regularly on the sexual menu, isn't too uncommon. And then there are the people who decide I was never actually REALLY queer at all, that I was either a L. G — Lesbian Until Graduation — dating women because it was fashionable and edgy or because I was just confused.