When it’s impressed upon boys and men subconsciously, I think by the time they get older they’re not even fully aware that these are the pressures they have or where they came from.
If you listen closely, men will tell you where they’re at.
Jenna Birch’s new book sat on my desk for months before I could bear to open it.
“The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love” is about why smart, successful independent women — the type of women men profess to want — have trouble finding steady relationships.
Men are kind of stuck in that norm, where they have to provide. The guys who were not settled or didn’t know where they were going to be, didn’t know if they could provide, were very skittish about making a firm commitment or going in that direction.
[Men, please stop yelling in your dating-app profiles.
[How to survive a boring date — and even enjoy it] Bonos: How does that play out in real life?
Birch: I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that I was so sure of myself that I was going to scare guys.
I’ve also had situations where, on first dates, men will say things like: “I can’t have a girlfriend right now.” They might be thinking about moving, going to grad school or taking a job out of state.
It’s a very psychological thing of: One thing comes before the other. The guys who were settled were more interested in pursuing things and seeing where it would go; they had a relationship mind-set.
That was a big guiding question from the beginning.
And then Lora Park had research that came out in 2015 that showed psychological distance matters a lot. Birch: “Psychological distance” has to do with when you’re thinking about something as an abstract concept.