Connection, intimacy and love are forever intertwined with rejection, loneliness and abandonment.Being unable to remember the traumatic events only compounds the problem.That is not to say that adoptees do not want intimacy. Letting someone 'in' also opens the door to rejection.That is why adoptees are drawn to others who are deeply wounded.Seemingly banal relationship problems are not to be overlooked, minimised or dismissed. It interferes with emotional development and instils a persistent fear of abandonment within them. Many adoptees fear that what happened once might happen again.The impact of that severed relationship is colossal. They fear that each new relationship, like the very first one, will not last.It is ungrateful and even accusatory to altruistic adopters.It is insulting to those battling depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other psychological issues associated with adoption.
Total absence of control over childhood decisions gives them an unrelenting need for control in adulthood.It may evoke unpleasant memories of lost loves, but the nostalgia is normally forgotten by the time the flowers wither and the chocolates disappear. What if Valentine's Day, or relationships in general, were a stark reminder of the most painful and distressing events that you ever experienced?What if they triggered a trauma so terrifically challenging that it forever altered your approach to life?Adoptees are sensitive to criticism and have difficulty expressing long-suppressed emotions.They have hair-triggers and lack impulse control, frequently overreacting to minor stresses.