I could've told him how I almost ran back to the tube, but forced myself encouraged by friends who told me 'it's just one date.' I could've defended myself and say ' I'm not a cock-teaser.I'm not heartless, I just have sarmassophobia.' Instead, I blissfully went back to my room and, more importantly, to being myself.We’re used to stories of desperate women waiting for their boyfriends to propose to them or struggling to tie down a man who just won’t commit, but is commitment-phobia really more common in men? “There are some patterns to suggest that men and women like different things in relationships and at different stages but none to suggest that men are any more prone to commitment-phobia than women.That men are more afraid of commitment is largely a myth and there are some studies around to suggest that.” San, however, points out that further studies have shown that women are more likely to have secure attachment styles, whereas men are more likely to have avoidant ones.And as women tend to have a higher emotional intelligence than men from a young age, they’re more likely to develop those secure bonds with their parents.
As much as people may joke about having “daddy issues,” both Singh and San believe those who develop a fear of commitment do so because of their past experiences and often their relationship with their parents when growing up.There is no judgement, no push from society (most of my friends back home are in relationships and seem unsure on why really they are), we are just like kids running around, deciding on what is most important to us. ' Having a job, having a car, having a house, these are measures of success.We don't have the same opportunities to buy a house, it's impossible, especially when living in London.The next step is to find the links between your current behaviour and your earlier attachment bond, and then work through the trauma, anger and resentment that you might be carrying from childhood or from a previous relationship.According to Singh, “it is unlikely that the problem will simply disappear or that you will suddenly overcome it if you meet the right person.” San, however, offers some hope to the romantic but commitment-phobic amongst us: “If you enter a relationship with someone who is more securely attached than you, you’ll probably increase your chances of developing a healthier attachment bond,” she says.