What I’m getting at is something much more fundamental. Several months ago I was in a bar/lounge type spot, with a group of 7 or 8 homegirls.Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me.
I like my curves, I like ass, I like my legs, I like my boobs (which I only have in abundance, when I’m tipping the scales), and I like my face.
The idea that we’re only attractive within a range of sizes is absurd. The homeboy of one of my homegirls happened to be in the club. My homegirl indicated to me at some point that I should make sure to meet him, because she thought we’d have similar interests.
Not one to be shy, I did at some point attempt to strike up a conversation. I mean he literally didn’t look me in the eye, made no real attempt at conversation, and pretty much gave me the brush off.
As un-feminist as I’m sure it is, and as much my Sagittarian self wants to say f**k the world and embrace my life of singleness in a blaze of principled feminist big girl glory, the #truestory is that I’m seriously trying to figure out how I can get my J. I also know being thinner won’t guarantee me a date, but I’m willing to bet it’ll improve my chances.
Feel free to weigh in in the comments on your experiences dating as a big girl, your thoughts on the sometimes un-feminist things we do for love, or anything else you wanna say.