If there is anything I’ve learned over the last seven years spent writing about men and relationships, it’s that knowledge is power. It grants you freedom from being stuck in dead-end relationships, from racking your brain trying to figure out what he’s thinking and how he feels.
It frees you from the stress, insecurity, and worry that come with not knowing.
I honestly never knew or even considered how vital it is for a man to feel like a winner.
I never saw it discussed or even hinted at in magazines or relationship books, and it certainly isn’t something men tell you outright. Once you know it, however, you will see it in everything he does. You won’t feel like he isn’t prioritizing you or doesn’t care …
It runs so deep that if a man doesn’t feel like he can make a woman happy, he won’t want to be in a relationship with her. You will be able to communicate with him in a way he hears and understands, in a way that motivates him to step up and be the man you want him to be. In my early dating years, I would find myself painfully confused time and time again by guys who would say really sweet things early on … I got so wound up because I was making the same mistake many women make—I was taking his words to be solid facts rather than expressions of fleeting feelings he was experiencing in the moment.
You won’t feel constantly frustrated in your relationship, wondering how to get him to do the things—both big and small—that make you happy. The misconception that gets perpetuated, though, is that men hate commitment, are anti-relationship, and just want to run wild and do whatever they want. Freedom for a man is more of a psychological state than having the freedom to run around and do whatever he wants. Instead, books and articles are written giving women a playbook to trap a man into commitment. Personally speaking, I always had an impossible time trying to figure out how a man felt about me. Also like most women, I would jump way too many steps ahead any time I saw potential with a guy, and I would use any positive thing he said or did as proof that he wanted the same things I did.
Most women (myself included) don’t fully understand how crucial it is for a man to feel appreciated, and the enormous impact expressions of appreciation can have on him.
Granted, everyone likes to be acknowledged and appreciated, but women don’t need it in the same way and to the same extent that men do.
The problem is, a lot of women don’t know what rejection looks like to a man.
If he doesn’t have that, he will never be able to be the man you need, the one who can make you happy.
Instead, he will be caught in a web of defeat and misery.
When a man feels like a woman disapproves of him or is disappointed in him, he feels rejected.
He feels not good enough, like a loser, like he has failed when he should have won. When you understand what rejection means to a man and how he experiences and processes it, it will shine a light on a whole new world.