Most individuals are hardwired to achieve a mutually satisfying solution because they can step into another’s shoes. They can’t read their partner’s signals — they have mind-blindness. Aspies don’t comprehend the meaning of the traditional gestures of love and romance.They don’t set out to hurt their love by withholding affectionate words and actions.
We’re attracted physically, intellectually and emotionally. We enjoy the similarities for the comfort and the differences for the spice.What are some things you can do to smooth the way to romance? One Aspie husband explained it to me like this: “I just can’t say or do the first thing that pops into my mind. It’s like I need a ‘politeness checker’ running in the back of my mind to remind me to be a gentleman.” This marriage was strengthened when he and his wife wrote down rules about appropriate engagement in a notebook.He keeps it with him and refers to it frequently for guidance. The Asperger romance rules might include: Aspies may not understand why something is important to their loved one.Even if you tell me, “Just say fine,” sometimes the situation looks special to me, and I can't figure out why it's special, so I can't talk. Picture her: The professional ballet dancer who had just quit, and to celebrate, she got breast implants. I told her that we were really ineffective together and I thought we needed some guy there with us to run the show. For example, there was the guy who asked me out while I was an arbitrage clerk at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. We both like reading about sex, but having it is more traumatic.So I’ve spent my life teaching myself the rules for what to do in each social situation. Surround yourself with people who can effectively guide you through rules. And me, the aspiring professional beach volleyball player. He was on the phones, picking up orders, and I'd stand in the British Pound pit, flashing hand signals to him to tell him what was bid and offer. He would not go down on me, so I started writing obsessively about his not going down on me. But then he saw that I don't know left and right, really, and my math skills end, largely, at third grade, and I am an idiot savant when it comes to memorizing statistics about Gen Y tendencies at work. And he has learned that the only way to get me uncurled is to talk to me. He says what he's doing with his hands, what he is feeling, what we will do, what I have done, he tries to stick to facts. And he does not expect me to move or speak, until I've heard enough verbal cues to get back in the game.