I made a decision to never be vulnerable to her, never be intimate, because she’s taken a lot of things that she’s known about me and the closeness and it’s hurt me in her bipolar episodes.
That was the one thing I could do was not let her be any closer.
I’m not going to do anything with you until you get a job.”I draw lines. She asks for intimacy and closeness and I say, “Okay, you need to give me what I need first. I think there’s enormous social pressure and guilt involved in deciding to end your marriage to someone who’s physically or mentally ill.
Part of that comes from the traditional wedding vows, “in sickness and in health” and part comes from a fear of others judging you which is often rooted in them not understanding what it’s really like to live with the illness.
Now, she’s rebounding and going through the good phase of the cycle, now, she’s medicated, it’s going to be a lot for me to break that promise to myself and remain with her.
I don’t feel guilty about wanting to divorce and I’m not even angry with her.
I’m in a situation where I’m trying to get her to get a job and move out. The typical situation is it’s a male with bipolar who’s going through all of these things.
All of the examples that I find to protect myself were geared towards women.
They put on a very good outside face and they’re very horrible to people inside their family that are burdening them.Deciding to divorce when your spouse has a mental illness is a difficult, complex decision.It often involves first helping to get your spouse properly diagnosed and treated, and then figuring out the logistics of separating while also coming to terms with emotions of leaving someone who is sick.I know she has a disorder and she’s not choosing to behave this way, but I have to keep her at arm’s length.If I was angry with her, it would just create more opportunities for her mania and episodes. I’m not playing her like, “Oh, we’ll be together someday,” I’m playing her like, “Let’s go baby steps. I need you to do that.” I’m having to make the love very conditional, very transactional, which is a horrible way to conduct a marriage, but when you have somebody that never follows the agreements you make, you have to make it a cash-only transaction kind of reciprocation in the marriage.